After school life, sucks. Here I am, stay at home. Doing nothing but chores and taking care of my lil baby sis. I barely wake up in the morning now. I remembered how I wish SPM would past by faster so that I really have the time I want. Well look at me now. Job? Mom disagree as she wanted me to take care of Diya rather than be not at home doing work for money. I have my needs to you know. I envy my sisters who buy this and that. Rm 200 in my monthly allowance isn't gonna satisfy my wants. With that I can only pay for two regular clothes at Forever 21 shop. I gotta do better than that. But what to do...
Workouts. Instead of pumping and push ups, I attended not to eat. Rice doesn't catch my appetite anymore. I usually jog in the morning and exercise during the evening till maghrib prayers showed up. I have my time. But I can't do anything I want with it. Its like I'm in prison. Nowhere I can go. No time I can have for myself. I'm stuck with nothing to do for fun in this house.
With no one to talk to. My celcom bills started to creep me out eventhough I didnt use it often. Stupid bill. And so I'm scared to call anyone often. Plus I'm in a relationship. I didn't say it isn't fun. It's just bored sometimes because he want me to act like he is the only man in this world. And a lot of my friends are boys, so... I don't feel like a free bird..
Afraid. Maybe I'm afraid to ask, act. I don't know whats right whats wrong. What to do or not to do. Its hard to predict something. Additionally, I'm a bad liar so, I can't go out without telling the truth. I just want to go. Is it hard though? Yes. Many challenges. The main challenge is that I am afraid.
I felt like a loner. I want to work, exercise, jog, be social, be free, hang out, buy clothes that I want, play swings anytime I want. And now I can't do any of that. Because I am not free yet.
It's a matter of time...
