If love was a test, I'll fail and keep on failing. My problem was I'd never forgive the mistakes he made and always think out of the box that effect my relationship. My last relationship taught me a lot. It taught me how to be patience and cooperative. It woke me up from delusions and start focusing whats infront of me instead of hoping for something thats impossible to be done. Love is a beautiful thing. And I disgust myself for miss-used it to fulfill my unlimited desire. If ever I have the chance to change for what I did, I'll do anything. And if it takes for me to let him go just so he can be happy with someone who deserves him, I'll let him go. He owns it :')
Through out this journey alone, YES I am alone. Come on laa I spent my entire one year with someone I truly love that makes me feel occupied. And in a sudden, he's gone, leaving me alone and broken hearted. What do you expect me to feel?
Its a tough month without him. But I manage to 'spoil' myself and it works! I feel appreciated :) . I spent RM 400 or less just for myself. What did I bought? Let see....
Hair Tonic worth rm 95 for lengthen and thicken my hair faster
CC cream worth rm 100 ( which I didnt like to use -.- )
Himalaya shampoo and cleanser worth rm 80
Online sweater worth rm 60 and H&M's worth rm 80 that I bought with Afiq Eeman ( never regret buying those )
Toner, moisturizer, lipstick, compact powder, makeup remover worth rm 100+
and all the shitty snacks I bought.
All of that I bought within those month. Yeahhh I regret buying the CC cream. But I got a free hand bag which I'm happy about :P
I spoiled myself so much I think. And I'll never stop!! hahahaha.
My second semester is almost over. Okayy... I planned to go to the gym. But I think I'll go when my third semester starts. I want to buy Galaxy Note II with my salary. Which also when my third semester starts. I guess...
Not to mention my supplement I have to buy. The promoter from where I work asked me how is my daily meal. And my answer shocked her to death and as fast as lightning she told me " you'll menopause at the age of 30 " hahahahahaha so funny.... I admit Im lack of nutrients and vitamins. I dont even eat veggies or fish. Not to mention about my health. I dont jog anymore. I dont wanna menopause by the age of 30. I wanna marry during that age!!! hahahahaha.
This lonely life of mine teaches me to value the little things in life. If I dont even care about myself, how in the hell would I care about others? I realize I have to appreciate myself in order to appreciate others that exist in my life. Maybe its not my time to be loved. And Im not even ready. But the one love I want is 'unexpected love'. Where I'll fall at the first time we meet or even I meet someone as a friend and starts accepting him to be more than that by appreciating his presence in my life. Maybe not now, But I'm not giving up.
Because Love is just so beautiful to be wasted. And I had wasted enough :)
Why am i so motivated to live my life with no regrets? The answer is songs. You got it bad by Phillip Phillips opened my eyes on how things are at this stage of life. Where we crave for attentions and wanting more for something that's just gonna make things difficult and will end with the presence of regret. Broken Ones by Dea makes me realize that there'll be someone who truly loves me and appreciates me. And its just a matter of time to find the right one. Relakan Jiwa by Hazama taught me the value of time. With a fragile heart, I'll wait for the right one no matter what it takes I'll be patience. Try by Pink taught me not to rush into things. "why do we fall inlove so easy? Even when its not right", a lyric in the song really pinched me. If you're not the one by Daniel Bedingfield existed hope for love eternity in me. Just the way you are by Bruno Mars makes me think of someone who will appreciates me truly. Say something by A Great Big World bring the tears in my eyes and force me to never let the past becomes my presence.
But the one thing that really makes me want to move on, without it I would still hoping for the past to be my presence once more. Without it I would still be a fool for hoping him to come back. And without it I probably make the same mistakes and regret it later, crying on my bed. The answer is???
I can't tell you. Its a secret :P Trust me, if you're in the situation as I am right now, there will be something that will motivates you to move one without looking back completely. It'll come. No matter what road you take :)
A lot of songs reminds me of my past and makes me imagine the future. Sometimes I lay on my bed and imagine the past I regret by imagine it differently. And I cry everytime. But I can't do anything. He's already gone :')
I wish the past remains the past. And if it ever comes back, I want to do it differently and appreciating it more than I ever did before. :)
