What happened to me?

Beside studying, I work as a part timer at Caring Pharmacy near my home. Because of my desire in new phones, watches and shoes, my dad's allowance and education loans isn't enough to keep me satisfy. So I decided to spend my free time earning some money :) I know its tiring and the payment isn't that much. But I kept myself busy. I want to keep me away from remembering the past to live my present and have a better future. Well I thought I would succeed but the songs at the pharmacy reminds me of him and I was like swearing at myself saying " yeah right " " true love... pfffttt " and much more that shows how love makes me feel sick. I noticed the staff look weird at me and my boss said I was crazy. Hahaha. Maybe I should download new songs and force Miss to play my songs. I'm afraid I would cry during work hours. haha

If a person observe me and hand me a statistic of me, I would say my rate of happiness rises from depression to feeling free. The past couple of days, I feel great! With a help of my friends and family, internet research on ' how to overcome heartbreak ', or even talking to myself more often. Im feeling better each day. I'm not gonna lie, the errors still exist. But its slowly vanish as I peacefully accepting the fact that I couldn't do anything to fix the past.
Yes I'm still talking about the breakup thingy! Urghhhh hahahaha. It literally changes me to a better patience and ' think before you talk ' person. I even ask the guys who is contacting me whether they have a girlfriend or not. Not to flirt but to make sure there will be no heartbreak caused by my actions.

Girls! Please respect other girls's privacy. Karma does exist. If the boy has a girlfriend, contact the girlfriend or let the girlfriend know that you are contacting the guy. Ask her whether its okay with it and if she declines or refuse to answer, just back off okay? :) I know its annoying but imagine if it happens to you, your boy contact with another girl behind your back. It hurts like hell I assure you. It happens to me and Im sure the girl that did this doesn't even realise what she had done based on her actions. I know that it is not your fault for causing a fight because that guy is a douche bag for cheating on her. But do you want to be responsible of a heartbreak that may and will experience by you also? A girl's heart is so fragile. Please protect it with care. If you have one of your own :)

I just bought an eyeliner ( typical ) , eye shadow ( what the fuck? ) and almost buy a lipstick ( you have got to be kidding me?! ) F*cking sh*t I'm turning to a lady! hahahaha. Seriously though, if you have a serious break up with your ' true love ' ( bullsh*t words) you may take a good care of your appearance more that you used to before. I don't give a damn about what I look before. Now look at me. Doesn't care if my fringe's style enters my eyes or blocking my view cause I wanna look pretty, wearing flats and heels instead of sandals and slippers, wearing eyeliner all the time and applying powder on my face everytime needed. Why? First reason! I wanna look like the ' best buy ' with no sales in famous fashion stores. Second! ofcourse I want my ex to regret what he's been missing. Third! To be worth it to someone and Fourth! to be happy and be pretty and appreciating myself.

Love for me? Remain silent....

Changed the perspective completely -.-

Okay, what a girl really wants? A nice presents? Sweet texts every morning from love ones? Yes exactly. Mature or immature, that is what girl wants. The thing that shows a girl's point of view is how she overcome that feeling. The feeling of longing for the same smile appears everyday for the rest of her lives.
My point of view changed since I had my first heartbreak from a boy who I think is not even prepare of going in a serious relationship. A girl's brain functioned so well they think too much leads to the uncertainty of solutions. Here is where the long term, short term exist by mixing the ego. Like Johnny Depp's quote " the problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude towards the problem ". Some cut their wrist and gone crazy, some move on and live a more happy life, some wait for the guy to come back. But what does change a girl's point of view? In reflecting her attitude in becoming a woman?

In my perspective, the answer is bored. Not 'I don't know what I'm doing' kind of bored. But bored in being wasted by a boy who doesn't feel shit. Once a girl gets tired of the situation and stick to that feeling, she has change her point of view in becoming a woman with mature thoughts. Yes I am saying 'cute, depending one another without involving others, everyday meet, I love you so much till I puke' all those bullshits couples are immature. Face it, I bet when your couple reply 10 minutes late, you went all crazy. Both boys and girls. Twitter in fact, the word 'mention' for couples are 'cheating'. I didn't make this all up. I state this fact based on experience where I was still stupid and blind enough to waste my time falling in love  instead of focus studying and experience that in marriage.

Everyone deserves a second chance. The second chance are always the wisest. For the past days I thought I didn't receive a second chance from my ex in wanting him back. But now I realize that I will receive my second chance by myself. In changing myself and do the right things with less mistakes that I had done before when I meet the one in marriage :) That is my point of view.
That's isn't fair for a lady, to experience a heartbreak just to wake up to reality. Either through relationships with family or friends or boyfriend/girlfriend. It's just not fair. That's why everytime I look at those poor innocent girls with a boyfriend with a whisper of "goodluck.." to them in my head and think how will they overcome the suffer they'll face. I pity them. Really. Because it does hurts like hell.

I feel so lost. But I bounce back with such courage by ignoring him completely. I can't tell you how. It's just from my perspective. Maybe it'll offended some of guys out there and maybe you girls get the wrong idea. But what matters is my point of view saved me from getting fooled again. It also shows my maturity as before I was the most naif girl. And now I overcome my problems and look at me now. Unmarked by wounds, enjoying every moment in my life that I have wasted before. I'm happier than I was :)

What my perspective about love? Well, people frequently mistaken about what love is. It's different depends on a people's perspective. And mine? Well love comfort us. They comes and hardly go. So why wasting love when we're not ready for it instead of spending it with the one who know what he is fighting for?
Dark Horse by Katy Perry. A song reflects my perspective towards love. Here's a thing about love. It hurts us, comfort us, makes us feel safe and secure, changes our point of view towards a person. But no one knows that love puts us in a situation to test us whether we are mature enough to survive the perfect storm. The beauty of it, is that if we fail, we can bounce back and try it one more time whenever we're ready. Like myself, I failed in my first love. I'm not mature enough to survive it. But I know love will come again. And I'll accept it whenever I'm ready and spend every moment of it with joy :)

Hello 2014 !

I've never been excited about new year before. Yes for a kid, I used to comb my hair from noon till night to prepare for new year celebration with my family. Sitting beneath the trees at KLCC park. Taking pictures with mom and dad. But now, I wasn't that worried about my hair nor the pictures, I'm waiting for the fireworks of this new year celebration as I celebrated at The Curve with my siblings. I waited for the countdown while the craziness of the crowd never seem to find an end. As the countdown begins, the fireworks lightens, I embrace full courage to take a glimpse at the stars as I wanted to start over when 2014 comes.

Start a new life, new hope as 2013 had became my most bittersweet memory. Full of love and lesson learned. I want this year to be fresh start as I just got through a breakup and havent see the end of it yet. And so I wanted to forget the past and move on. This new year is a very good start for me :)
It hurts to know that the one you love tend to not loving you back. Although I left this unexplained breakup with such doubt and concern about not knowing whats going on in his head, but what I do know that waiting is just waste of time and his " don't care " attitude towards me tend to hurt my feelings day by day. So I decided to move on and I wish I'll succeed.

A part of that, I also tend to not falling inlove once more. The last breakup I felt is so much pain to bare and the uncertainty of love is so much for me to feel as I'm afraid the same pain may occur. I've learn my lesson. Although Eddie is a part of me now as he helps me with my breakup thing pretty well. He cures my wounds day by day as we get closer every passing minute. He has become my staple of life through out this period of time and I do hope it stays that way. No relationship will fall upon us as we agreed to be friends at this moment.

So many support I have to make my journey as a single lady gone smoothly. This 2014 is a fresh start for me. Focusing on studies and hoping to gain more friends. Forgetting the unwanted past and embrace more of the sweetness of it. Such as my best friends and families. I want to be near to them. I wish Afiq, my long lost best friend will be by my side tightly once more as he is always there to comfort me. " We are the same. You are negative and I am positive. We need each other " he said. I agreed more than I should to that :)

I know its gonna be hard. But I'll try to succeed. Like my sister said, " its new. Give it time ". A broken heart cant be healed by just sleeping or meditating. We must bare the pain and give them space to cure. I hope 2014 will be a good start for me to embrace maturity, and to appreciate more of the people who will never leave my side.

P/S : I've listened to ' It ends tonight ' by All American Reject all night long. To give me courage in letting you go. To not blaming myself for what happened. Instead, I think of my own heart as you don't care to do so, and so that song is for you, ex. It has ended.