Things never turned out perfect right? Gordon Ramsay once said to his fellow amateur chefs competing in Masterchef USA Season 4, " it's not how you start, it's about how you finish. Yes? ". His words describe to us that we have to step up from falling down and finish strong. Doesn't matter if its about career, passion or even love. I do have a love of my life. " Every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite. " that is his word in wishing me our 11th monthly anniversary and also one of my favorite line :)
You see, he is the love of my life. I believe strongly we'll survive. His patience and my not-giving-up attitude will guarantee it. But at the same time he is only one i have. He eliminates all my friends in my world that plays important roles in my life. Well most of them are guys as I mostly comfortable hanging out with these gender cause my lack of interest in women. Cause I am.... Different.
Sometimes I miss them, sometimes not. Sometimes I look at their photos and say to myself I really do miss you guy. For example my kindergarten friend. Raja Amir. He is fun to talk to. But as each day passes by, our friendship grows stronger and deeper into his eyes without me noticing. He hopes more than a friend from me that I cant give. Almost 5 years he hopes for my love and I kept rejecting him by wearing my invisible cloth. Oh i broke his heart so many times. Like what Gordon Ramsay said, but it turns out the opposite way.
I think of Zikrul, my boyfriend, a savior. With him, I wont be breaking hearts of a man I gave hope to which I didn't realize.
Not to mention my girlfriends. Zuraidah, Sharmine, Anis, Balqis and Jihaa. Ohh I miss them so much I can barely breathe. Watching their lives as happy as a free bird is painful to see. Even though their mistakes stabbed me but forgiveness they received a long time ago. Zuraidah. The craziest yet happiest girl I've ever met. I miss laughing with her so loud, the headmaster could hear us from her office. Sharmine, the coolest girl I know with her swag on and the only person who didn't gossip and talk back about someone. I do miss her terribly. Anis. What went wrong girl? The next day all I know we are strangers. I thought I could have a support system next to me but you turn back on me by a very stupid excuse. but then again, I have to struggle as because of you, I wanna stop having bestfriend.
Balqis and Jihaa. My favourite girls in high school. I miss every time we talk, we stood up still for no reason at all even though there's a chair at the back of us. And laugh about it. I miss your support in me liking my crush which no one would. I miss the way we have each others back at all times :)
I'm not gonna lie, I do miss him. But in a different way. Painful way. Sadness appear whenever i do. I just cant hear " I Wont Give Up " by Jason Mraz cause it"ll bring tears into my eyes. Its painful to hear the meanings and your favorite song. Class gathering, i just can take a peek at your appearance and nothing more. Boy you took half of my heart as they are yours. I feel like you are apart of me and suddenly you are gone. And i wish you will stay gone. Seriously. But you kept appearing and haunts me as you will always be around. Your name will always there for me to hear by the voice of my new friends. Thats not fair isn't? Even if how much I hate you and want you to stay gone, I just cant. Maybe you still hold on to my other half.
Please Afiq, keep it.
Yo my bro from another mother! My sorrow reliever everytime I go to my hometown. My dearest scumbag Fareez and Fazree. They are the best. Fareez is like my best friend yknow eventhough we barely contact towards another when we're gone to out separate lives. But in the end, we sitting in one sofa next to another with my feet above his thigh, we talk like bestfriend for life. I miss him so bad i want to buy ticket to go to Kelantan just to meet him. Hahaha
And Fazree. A brother to me. He is my sorrow healer and laughter machine. He is by far the most tolerate person I've ever met. Saying yes to every will eventhough he is busy. And his face is the first face I see everytime I came to Kelantan. I love him and i wanna keep him in my closet. Hahaha
Akid Rosli !!! Craziest son of a bitch. Sarcastic person. He is like the joker in the poker card. He is fun to have to. Crazy bitch in happiness and a brother in sadness. He always listen to what i wanna say and never complain about it. He is a no boundary guy as he can act as anything when you get to know him. He is crazy and i love him truly desparately and longing for his appearance in my life back cause he is such a crazy guy. Hahahaha
Ex's cant be that bad yknow. There are some of my ex i would like to contact again. Like my eddie and wolfy. They are fun to talk to. As a friend ofcourse. They are supportive and understanding. And dont forget my mean boy Fawwaz. Shah Rukh Khan like and very funny. He is fun hang out. Yup I sure have lots of interesting ex :)
Fun is it? I once have them. But now they are gone. Instead of chatting and laughing, I watch food shows and tweeting. And be miserable to my boyfriend. Thats why im miserable I guess. He eliminates them all. But never did replace their parts. He did but, not perfectly... And thats my job to fill the empty spots by myself with something that wont cause any trouble to my relay.
But still. I wish I can bring back the dead of these people in my life !!!
