Colin Farrel,

Ermmm. Yes. Colin Farrel. After watched a film called S.W.A.T, my attention was on Collin Farrel. He played the role as a police officer along with many other actors which I didn't remember their names. That film was an old ones. But I do watched him acted in a movie called Fright Night. Hottest guy I know man. Like seriously. Yes there is a reason why I accidentally like him. Well no I didn't cheated on my crush. He cheated on me. Hahahaha. Okay fine he wasn't really officially mine but still. Yeah he likes someone else. It's a shame huh? Yeah I know. But life must go on. I don't go all shitty crying when I first found out. I mean it was meant to be.

Why Collin? That is just the way I feel now. Yknow, I went through a lot of shitty relationships and it turn out ugly. When I am broken, I met someone else and stuck with him and he hurted me and I met another someone else and stuck with him and so on. What do I get in the end? Hurted.

Mature absorbs me as I grow older every single day. So those past I went through makes me think wiser. Why must I cure myself with some reality boy who will eventually hurt me back? Yes there are others that is different but why must I hurt myself by accepting every guy that pops out just to wait for the perfect ones to finally can be with? How long? I used to be at never ever single mode. I started dating when I was 12. I stopped dating early 2012. Now open your palm and start counting your fingers. How many days and minutes does my heart broke?

Love and I, we will never be in the same page. I realize that. And I am tired of people who wanted to bring my spirit up by telling me never give up or just wait for the perfect ones to come. Well bull!! I waited long enough and felt heavier every single day just because I carried those burden. I wore enough plasters on my wounded heart. And eventually those stupid ones make it worst.

So why Collin? Because he is not reality. He doesn't come and go. I decide wether I want his presence by my side or not. Because he don't even know I exists. So yes he can't play my heart. Clever right? Well yes maybe a little insane. That is how gave up i am. 

So why Collin? My last guy, I call him Edward. We dated and I got hurt. I remember that one night, ermm I was still with Eddie at that time. I promised myself I won't love any other man. I gave up hope on those guys. Edward is nice. He really is. But it wasn't right. I left. But that promise I made, is still there. And so I had to go here and there with this broken heart. Cry after saw Eddie. And suddenly I watched a movie called Inception. And there was my first ever love with an actor, Cillian Murphy. After that, I looked at Eddie with nothing stabbed my heart. 

Why Collin? Now you know why. Crush is gone. Well not gone. Hard to forget this one though. Trying to. Watching Collin on tv and wallpaper of his in my phone. He even have a song. Luckily I can hear his voice over and over. 

So why Collin? Let just say that this girl got her own ways of curing her heart ;)