Looking back, there are people that comes and goes in ones life. Mine a few. As an extreme introvert for which I had fallen into since that hell hole of a place I called SMK Tasik Puteri, I have lost all my socially best self into a survival mode. A mode I find myself still trapped in today. As I remember, if I was to survive from being the victim of bully in that school, I have to seek shelter from behind a shoulder of a man. A masculine figure for which bullies are afraid of. Fortunate for me, I have the power to choose and un-choose whom I want. But when you enter the life of marriage, you don't have that privilege. Now that I realise, seeking shelter is all I ever known. As everyone around me sees me as weak and unprotected. And I carried that image until today. That's one. Another new personality I have developed there is how dull and unimportant I am in a group of women. A girl friend, a girl bestfriend is an unfamiliar vocabulary for me. Such unfortunate things happens when I do have a girl friend. So I am well off with no true girl friends at all in my school years, my college years. As of today, zero friends in my marriage years. Here lies (dies) my social life. The tragic implication of what I called childhood trauma from those only 2 years of schooling there. But somehow impacted my whole life.
I hope my daughter don't have to hide behind a man to feel safe. I hope she knows she has the power to choose to be bigger herself than I ever was. I hope I could advice her that option, as no one did to me. I hope my son protects and cherish a woman that is in his care. I hope he hears her as he has chosen her to protect. I hope he protect her with all his heart.
