I want nothing but to be a symbol of proud in my parent's eyes. A subject for my mother's conversations in her daily lives. A memory for my father to be wept on. All this years I wished nothing but to be a hope by my father's expectation. Expectation of wisdom and loyal. What more could you want than be a diamond in your father's eyes? This year is my chance to shine. Another 9 days of preparation and a month to struggle. Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia is all I could depend on. I thought I can give my father the result he ever wanted. Because after this I will continue my journey with the life I wanted, the life I had plan, the life I ever dreamed of. But he want more. And that, I'll think about it after 9 days and one month.
I'm a girl with a structure of life. I never left things unplanned. But after what I had heard from my mother about my life that I had plan, all of it, the plan, ruined. I am scared. I have to change course. Yes I have an option, I can make my decision. But it's my father. The only person I never disobey. He is never wrong and always right. His words are well predict and his thoughts are the thoughts of a king. He is my king. And I must obey. I never disobey. But I just can't believe he stands in my way. And that too, I'll think about it after 9 days and one month.
School. Im gonna miss school. Can't believe Im saying this but, yes I will miss school. I miss wearing those polite kurung, light blue skirt, adorable tudung, with badge on and those tiny blue badge shaped in circle above the school badge. Thank god I bought that cool varsity jacket. Plus I went to graduation. Formal one but best. Captured pictures with teachers and classmates. Gonna miss it so much. Much much more after 9 days and one month.
Work. Now that is planned. Gonna work at Plaza Jelutong. Well not my future work. Temporary ones. Bakery store. I love baking. My ambition is to be a chef :') But, hmmm. Plus, I have to wait 9 days and one month to have my vacation at the beach with family! Gosh.. I just want to sleep at the beach and watch the sun set and rise :) And car license. Planned that with friends. Hope they wait for me -.-' But must wait another 9 days and one month.
Last but not least, Crush. Don't forget about my crush. Yeah he has a crush too. Since he have his own facebook now, I can see what he posted. And it is all about ' the girl '. Hurts though. I thought I wanted to ignore him. Because come on la, I love him but he love someone else and what is worst is I got to tell how I felt after SPM. And so does he!! He want to tell me who is his crush. Errr I wish to scream his name and say no thank you! My cousin accidently ask him who is his crush. My heart beat harder when he replied. I read and he said he will tell me after SPM. My heart pounds faster. Well I can't say "no dont say it!" can I? It will ruin the secret. Well I did but not straight foward but he insist. So I just have to buckle up and see where this goes. I have to be strong.
Well I wont ignore him. Are you nuts? I struggled 4 or 5 months to just watch him in distance and keep quiet. I just cant ignore :) I love him. And if he is happy, Im happy. I am :) So crush, just be who you are and dont worry!! I will be there in any situation. I'll love you for a thousand more :')
Lots of things awaits me after SPM. From my observation now, my life will be a hell of a life. But anything can happen right? Just pray miracle would come. The only good thing I wanted is to get out of those situations alive. And just hope for the best.
Days after 9 days and one month, please be gentle :/
