The last 9 days and one month,

I want nothing but to be a symbol of proud in my parent's eyes. A subject for my mother's conversations in her daily lives. A memory for my father to be wept on. All this years I wished nothing but to be a hope by my father's expectation. Expectation of wisdom and loyal. What more could you want than be a diamond in your father's eyes? This year is my chance to shine. Another 9 days of preparation and a month to struggle. Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia is all I could depend on. I thought I can give my father the result he ever wanted. Because after this I will continue my journey with the life I wanted, the life I had plan, the life I ever dreamed of. But he want more. And that, I'll think about it after 9 days and one month.

 I'm a girl with a structure of life. I never left things unplanned. But after what I had heard from my mother about my life that I had plan, all of it, the plan, ruined. I am scared. I have to change course. Yes I have an option, I can make my decision. But it's my father. The only person I never disobey. He is never wrong and always right. His words are well predict and his thoughts are the thoughts of a king. He is my king. And I must obey. I never disobey. But I just can't believe he stands in my way. And that too, I'll think about it after 9 days and one month.

 School. Im gonna miss school. Can't believe Im saying this but, yes I will miss school. I miss wearing those polite kurung, light blue skirt, adorable tudung, with badge on and those tiny blue badge shaped in circle above the school badge. Thank god I bought that cool varsity jacket. Plus I went to graduation. Formal one but best. Captured pictures with teachers and classmates. Gonna miss it so much. Much much more after 9 days and one month.

 Work. Now that is planned. Gonna work at Plaza Jelutong. Well not my future work. Temporary ones. Bakery store. I love baking. My ambition is to be a chef :') But, hmmm. Plus, I have to wait 9 days and one month to have my vacation at the beach with family! Gosh.. I just want to sleep at the beach and watch the sun set and rise :)  And car license. Planned that with friends. Hope they wait for me -.-' But must wait another 9 days and one month.

 Last but not least, Crush. Don't forget about my crush. Yeah he has a crush too. Since he have his own facebook now, I can see what he posted. And it is all about ' the girl '. Hurts though. I thought I wanted to ignore him. Because come on la, I love him but he love someone else and what is worst is I got to tell how I felt after SPM. And so does he!! He want to tell me who is his crush. Errr I wish to scream his name and say no thank you! My cousin accidently ask him who is his crush. My heart beat harder when he replied. I read and he said he will tell me after SPM. My heart pounds faster. Well I can't say "no dont say it!" can I? It will ruin the secret. Well I did but not straight foward but he insist. So I just have to buckle up and see where this goes. I have to be strong.

Well I wont ignore him. Are you nuts? I struggled 4 or 5 months to just watch him in distance and keep quiet. I just cant ignore :) I love him. And if he is happy, Im happy. I am :) So crush, just be who you are and dont worry!! I will be there in any situation. I'll love you for a thousand more :') 

 Lots of things awaits me after SPM. From my observation now, my life will be a hell of a life. But anything can happen right? Just pray miracle would come. The only good thing I wanted is to get out of those situations alive. And just hope for the best.


Days after 9 days and one month, please be gentle :/ 

Break Time !!!!

Okay! I have one hour with you guys!

My life is slightly better than usual.. Despite the chaos of SPM coming in 15 days!!!! I am just fine.. Well the better things started after I follow my instinct in saying the truth. Well I said it all out through Facebook. It counts, right? Well atleast the person reads it. Dont want to talk about that.
Anyway, my crush.. Yeah I like him still. Trying to ignore him is hard though. He keeps coming back. My graduation is coming and he is very close to me. Super close. Will post graduation pictures tomorrow ;)

I am feeling so excited right now. Because I am into someone. Not my crush. He is someone I met on social network. I smiled every time I look at him. Never actually meet him in person but he is something.. Hee :) If I coupled with this person, either my crush or this guy im into, till the end I promise you.. Till the end :) No more childlish drama. A mature relationship. Definitely :)

I love this one song. Its called Lightning Strike from Snow Patrol. Very cool tau... That is the exact type of song that I like. Just click Here to hear it :)

My life is okay now. Actually I got very little happened in my life if I got rid of SPM. Its coming. Studying like hell. I just hope for the best and expect nothing. Thats how I control myself from getting too crazy about it. I cried once because I answered Paper 1 Math. I got 20 out of 40. I nearly freaked out. But then I managed to calm myself and does alot of exercises. After this I got Math. Hope I wont cry again.

Getting fat. That's one thing. Can you imagine me studying 8 or 10 hours, sleep 6 or 5 hours, the rest praying, eating a day. I have to eat while studying because if i dont, I will be sleepy and I dont actually move myself often. So imagine how many percentage of fats stores in me everyday.  I cant even fit my jeans.

My hour is almost over. So thats all I guess. Wish me luck for SPM kay :) pray for my best. I really need it :) Good day and Good bye ;)