It's just one thing leading another really..

Everything Happens for a Reason

It's one of the life lesson I learned and kept for years. I never questioned why. I just simply filled with joy and thank Allah swt, or filled with sorrow and moved on when I received any news because Allah swt wont't give us obstacle that we can't face. He knows his creation well and I trust him with my life as I am His. I've always known I'm not the kind of person you want to see everyday. Heck, if you ask my family to describe me as a person, first thing they'll say is the bad side and you can count on what's good. Life's hard. Decision's hard. So I decided to rely on fate and God. It works like clockwork. 

My first realization in fate was where I had to pursue my study at Polytechnic Shah Alam, which is where I'm from. Not far from home really, I stayed at home through the years. At first I was hoping to travel far and live alone, wishing I got somewhere far from home. But could I achieve a 3.52 CGPA if it was the other way around? or meet the nicest person on earth whom I still love and adore now even though she's not here anymore? (which is rare because I can forget people easily) or met highly respected lecturers which I humbly gained knowledge from? Things happened for a reason. And these are the sweetest reason to stand for that made me smile in the end even though it started not where I was expecting.

Khairunnisa Amalina. The only girl whom I am friends with until death. All those sayings and quotes that true friend last forever? Well I'm hers and so does she to me. She died on 12th May 2016. I never forget that day. Just like I don't forget the first day we met. She trust me from the moment she knew my name! It was wonderful. Took a while to be close friends with her because I am a douch bag to begin with. But we found our way together and got through diploma like a champion. She was diagnosed with SLE on the 2nd year and finished diploma with a deacon. Amazing :) 

Throughout the last semester I realized that Allah swt put us together for a reason. She'll struggle even more if it wasn't for my help in group assignments and other tasks and I'll never know what's the true meaning of friendship and joy of going class everyday just to hear her laugh. I realized that and made a promise. She kept hers and it's my turn to keep mine. Atleast we got to say a proper goodbye, where my heart strongly believe it'll not be the last time we meet. But we don't always get what we want.. Do we? 

I never have a close girlfriend that I share most of my life with. Khairunnisa was the first. I never really have a bunch a friends really, I'm a one true friend kind of girl. Which is why I chose to stay friends with my best friend for long 6 years. We've had our differences and similarities throughout the years, but one thing leads to another, we still end up sitting at Mamak and laugh till our stomach fell off. In millions of topics we talked about, one did relate to what I'm mumbling about now. It's about time travelling. If you could time travel and change the past? What would it be? He answered his which I didn't intend to share. I answered mine which is nothing. Because things happened for a reason. I won't be friends with him this long if I and he accepted each other's proposals in having a relationship. We would break up and never speak again. I cherish this friendship so much, I wouldn't change a thing. 

But life is a bittersweet symphony. There's bitter in every sweetness in life. The bitter end passed and such friendship ended. Never complained why, never questioned anyone.

I'll just sit by and watch life carries me.  

True Story

"Assumption is The Mother of all fuck ups"

A quote taken from the movie Sanctum. About a boy who's been forced by his ignorant yet caring father to go on a journey guided by experience, leads to hope. Hope of finding a way out from an unexplored cave. I used to watch this movie everyday, twice a day if I could fit it in to my schedule. Why am I so obsessed with this story? A story filled with hope and discipline. A story that denies assumptions in the most fuck up way, but in our expectations, assumption leads to ideas, new path and ways to create such hope that strengthens the things we truly believed in. Why? Because we have the control. We're the star in our own story. Aren't we? 

I consider my life as a maze. A maze where it involves lot of confusion and decision making to find the only way out. That's the one thing I enjoy watching Sanctum. In such agony and panic, discipline is the most important thing. Why should you question an experience person at his most suited situation to back up your inexperience behavior and immaturity? My dad used to say to me " you're the outspoken in the family ". Am I the gifted thing in his life? His trophy? His agony? Like Josh said in Sanctum, " assumption is the mother of all fuck ups ". All I can hope for is find the hidden path, it'll lead me out from this maze where I know, my dad will be waiting for me at the exit. All I can ever assume, is by the time I arrive, he'll still be there.

In every person's life, you've got to have a Hero, a sidekick, a few enemies and a whole bunch of careless people passes by. You walk into a store, a restaurant or even a library, it's either the server's the Hero or the person whom she's serving. I've read most of Stephen King's books which are amazing btw. When you say Stephen King, you define his skills and knowledge in characterize a person gloriously. You pick a person you love, because you feel the connection. It bothers me when I read his amazing books where I mostly hooked up to a character that is not the Hero. I once love the villain he created such as Brian in Mr. Mercedes. And a lot of times I hate being stuck to one character so much because I have a feeling he might die in the end. Do I relate to these characters? Would I die in somebody else's story?

I live a simple life. Meals prepared by my dearest mother, funded by my loving father. They gave everything I need to survive while I chase my dreams and work for something I want. I have a friend I love and respect, a bunch of careless people I bump into everyday at the train station. Some I see more than once, some I felt the connection going but ended there because I never saw him or her again. It always nice to know someone will always have your back, someone will always makes you feel less lonely in this world. You trust them even when you didn't know their names. Is that how I die?

Being the Hero in your own movie. That's the ultimate goal right? When you think of all the years passed by, after all those hatred and distress. Lesson learned. Somehow you manage to put your feet on the ground and dance the night away. New friends new lovers. Everything that you ever dreamed of, disappear when you wake up. Just how fast the night changes. People would say 'life is full of ups and downs'. But did you ever embrace those moments of redemption and take a chance to be thankful for whoever stood next to you still? Or you just blaming human nature to forget what brings you up and plan revenge on what brings you down? So decide which one you are, it'll tell you whether you're the Hero or the villain.

So there you have it. My perspective towards a character in a story. I'm the girl you bumped into on a train one morning. I'm the girl you saw riding her pink scooter to work on one rainy day without her raincoat on, smiling and laughing. I'm the one you saw scooping harshly in her purse, looking for the cents she hoped she have to pay for her drink of choice in a store you're in. I'm the girl who read Stephen King on mono-rel and make funny faces as she tries to balance herself out with those turbulence going on. I'm the girl that walked passes you. I might be your soulmate, I might be your employee. I might be the one standing above you when you have no one else. As the day passes by, and until then, you're just another character in my story.