" It's you! The answer will always be you. "
I said to myself, realizing how stupid I am to be in this position. How horrible I am compare to the perfection he held. " Another good boy you're ruining ", I screamed in my head. Poor fellow. He deserves the universe but instead he is stuck with you. Those words kept yelling in my head over and over again. Another let down. Another heart.
Relationship never did succeed with my presence. Others think one year is the starting point but for me that's a victory. A victory for which I survived the chaos. The chaos playing in my head. No matter how much I try, it's never enough. How I wish love was enough to fill up the emptiness in me. How many hopes I have to bury to keep us alive? How many dreams I have to kill to make you smile? What is wrong with you, Syafinaz Zamry? Please tell me.
From the moment I said 'okay', I knew, things would be different. The way he look at me will change and the words he'll say would never be the same. From the moment I agree to give love a chance I knew, is there any more love to give? Will sorrow and tears clouded the prettiest in me? Less than a month I began to feel, how heartbroken I am. I've never felt lonely than ever. The last time I feel this way was a year ago, where I cried continuously while picking up the broken pieces shattered inside of me.
Why does this happen? Why should I feel this way when the person who is here for me willing to love me, to take care of me, to held my broken heart. Stop this nonsense! The answer will always be you. You let him in when you know there's no hope. When you know you're not strong enough to give it another shot. You were blindfolded by his perfection and now you are hurt by his minor imperfection. The answer will always be you, Syafinaz Zamry.
Perfection, defined who he is. He can have anyone he wants whenever he wants. His kindness is beyond what I could ever describe. He is the most perfect person I've ever met. But sadly he tend to make the worst decision he could possibly do, is by choosing me. What am I? Dear brain please tell me. You seem to know it all so please say something that would make this heart stop hoping. Hoping for happiness, clumsiness as I enjoy my relationship with no worries whatsoever. Why can't I just be stress-free? What could possibly go wrong? Easy. The answer will always be you.
Maybe love was never meant for you. Because love is all about sharing, care for each other, letting people in to your heart, hope for them, trust them and love them endlessly. And not one of those you willing to try.
People would describe you as a logic thinker. You seem to take the easy way as long as you're there without unnecessary difficulties. You throw you take whatever you seem to be the best way. And love was never to be taken, was it?
Another let down. Another heart. You wasted him, heartlessly...
